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Babysitting is a bum deal



[Singers:]
Here is the tale of a babysitting job,
the baby is something of a snob,

[Stewie:]
Oh, go screw yourselves

[Singers:]
So listen very closely, and you'll find
that what they say is not the same as what's on their minds

[Haylie:]
Aren't you a cute little boy

[Haylie's Thoughts:]
look at that melon shaped head

[Stewie:]
Having you here is a joy

[Stewie's Thoughts:]
and in an hour you'll be dead

[Haylie:]
Sit on my knee

[Haylie's Thoughts:]
please don't go poo

[Stewie:]
Nice place to be

[Stewie's Thoughts:]
This one's for you

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Haylie:]
Why don't we watch Will & Grace

[Thought:]
Jesus, do I need a smoke

[Stewie:]
Jack puts a smile on my face

[Thought:]
oh, what a surprise, a gay joke

[Haylie:]
I like your house

[Thought:]
ceiling has cracks

[Stewie:]
I like your blouse

[Thought:]
Miss TJ Maxx

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Singers:]
And so they sat as time went by

[Haylie:]
slowly as time could go

[Singers:]
the baby blarred, and softly cursed

[Stewie:]
cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes,
and her hair made her look like a hoe

[Haylie:]
Time for your bottle my sweet

[Thought:]
This little brat smells like piss

[Stewie:]
alway's a succulent treat

[Thought:]
while I suck that, you suck this

[Haylie:]
Aren't you a sight

[Thought:]
look at him drool

[Stewie:]
you're a delight

[Thought:]
Damn you, you fool

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Singers:]
The diaper change was quite a job

[Haylie:]
the grossest I've ever seen

[Singers:]
The baby smiled and took a breath

[Stewie:]
and I grunted and pooped out a poop,
that looked something like Matthew Modine

[Haylie:]
someday you might meet a girl

[Thought:]
yeah, she's gonna be your right hand

[Stewie:]
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl

[Thought:]
darling, i'd rather screw sand

[Haylie:]
Have a good night

[Thought:]
you little creep

[Stewie:]
Have a good night

[Thought:]
Die in your sleep

[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal

[Haylie:]
So you see we got a really mr. kid here. I suggest you get up some help before it´s too late.

[Stewie:]
Get a snipe!

[Haylie:]
Freak! I´m out of here.

[Woman:]
Ladies and gentlemen. Ms Haylie Duff.

[Man:]
Well, nobody likes our bum deal. You know what I´m talking about. The feeling when you get passed over from that promotion ... deserved or when you find that your old high school girlfriend who you never quite get over is about to marry someone else or when you´re humping a leg for eight minutes before you realise there is no entry point. But you know what? You and I have both got a friend who´s always there to lift our spirits.

Author: Hayle Duff